“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now…Come further up, come further in!” ~C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

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She is sitting in the sun worshipping the Son.

Carol Anne couldn’t sit in the sun here on earth. Her rare disease robbed her of that pleasure we so often seek and complain when we don’t get enough. In the Pacific Northwest we start grumbling about gloom and rain now and it lasts until July 5. We have no idea what it’d be like to live our whole lives without a bathe in the sunshine.

My heart dropped when my computer turned on this morning.

My inbox had an email from Carol Anne.

Oh God…my hand fumbled to find the button that would open it up. It was before coffee and I felt confused. There was also a desperate choke that longed for a miracle of words penned by her heart. Did she write from heaven? Dear Jesus, do we really have to deal with email there?

Of course not. The email was from Rich, Carol Anne’s husband. It was just like getting a message from her, though. The two of them are the best example I know who lived out “one flesh” in wedded bliss.

Where is my own husband? I desperately need to hold him now. Where are my kids? I need to mother… Lord Jesus–sustain this family. Be their comfort, hope, refuge and strength…

Rich typed somewhere in the middle of the night, “…how it touched my heart to hear such wonderful things about my Sunshine.”

My Sunshine.

How ironic. The one stripped of sun, was sunshine to us.

Thinking of her lounging on a green and white beach chair with Jesus, toes in the sand, has me breathing a bit better. After a long walk I’m able to place the gourds back where they belong and put the pie away. Two minutes from now I might reach back into the fridge to peel back cellophane, but I think I’m going to be okay.

I’m okay because she’s okay.

She’s perfect. Sunshine sits in the sun.

I will write about Carol Anne again someday, but for now I’m reminded that she was a bit bossy too. Altogether kind, but she also had no problem telling you how she felt. Right now she’s insisting that I get back to work. Jesus even mentions from the second lounge, “What’s up with Kim and that book? It’s taking forever!” Carol Anne, “I know, right?”

Every fiber wants to shrivel up and return to procrastination. “On a roll” got side railed down the hill.

For Carol Anne, though, I don’t give up.

Back to writing my book. This is my sackcloth and ashes…

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.”~Erma Bombeck

 

Photo credit: Flickr (Creative Commons)